I dont know me..There are times when i am happy with myself and there are times when am not happy with myself.Sometimes i hate myself and sometimes i love myself.There are times when i feel sickeningly bored with me.I think i know what i want what my goal is but in the end i end up being nowhere losing the interest in the goal that i have persuaded to chase after.My fingers right now find it difficult to keep pace with my mind as i am typing these words...Sometimes i think that i suffer from "moodswings" and that is why i am changing.But i know that is not true.People find it difficult to cope with me,to love me for what i am and to accept me as me...Even i find it difficult to understand why i am positive at one moment and negative the very next moment...I am ever changing person and i am wasting my time trying to find the meaning of my life and my purpose in my life instead of trying to live my life.
I look into the mirror and i ask myself "who am i?" and depending on my mood my mind's answers change.Of course i know that am a human being just like everyone else is but i dont want to be like everyone else.I try to live myself and i feel am damn confusing even to myself.I want to be recognised as someone different but what?what do i want to be recognised as??...my mind does not have an answer for this and neither does my heart has...i am still in the process of changing ...trying to make myself better and worthier...most important of all i m trying 2 be stable...no not in my life...i want to be stable about my goals but maybe i want to keep changing in my life......
I dont know why i end relationships as abruptly i start it...but i do know that i receive my sufferings as a consequence of my decisions and sometimes this fact makes me hate myself more.What i love i hate and what i hate i love.What seems to be correct to me in one situation seems to be wrong in another situation.Why am i like this??....There is no answer.I am always full of questions in my life.But i do know the answers for some of them i guess...
And when i cant bear me anymore i look upto GOD to help me and give up...
For those who are reading this blog i thank you for listening me whine right now..and presently am trying to change to being positive minded.and i feel light-hearted now that i put in some of my thoughts here..
Saturday, July 17, 2010
This is me...
written by me.thank you for reading my articles. maya at 6:06 AM
Labels: anxious, confused..., desperate, searching for the purpose of my life
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3 comments:
I don't know your age, but seems to me, its all because of your age(mb). When I was in my teens, I encountered such problems, everywhere, eg: one day i want to be a pilot, a month later i come crashing down to being a F1 racer! Once i want to start my own shopping mall, next i want to be the next Ambani of INDIA. Belive it, from class 9 to 12, I had almost 20 different hairstyles as half as many Gfs!!!!DISGUSTING!! But, with time I have changed, and now I know what I love and what I want from my life. I, for now, have steadied myself.....But you never know when change takeover again..They say, the only thing that is CONSTANT is CHANGE[:)]!!!Bye...
I know how you feel. Life can be complex, and dealing with other people is always tricky. Dealing with ourselves is even trickier!
Life is a struggle. Each day is another chance, another opportunity to learn from the past, another opportunity to understand ourselves and our world.
Don't give up, keep trying, keep pushing. You will know yourself eventually. It takes time. I think really knowing ourselves takes a lifetime. We are all a work in progress.
Thank you for sharing a little of that with the world via your blog!
@pragyan..
so even you felt that way when you were my age!!...thanks for sharing cuz i always felt that something is wrong with me..knowing now that there are people who went through this kind of stage relieves me to some extent that am normal!!..:)
@depressed reader
thanks for encouraging words..they are real help to me...well i have to thank you all for actually spending some of your precious moments of time in reading my posts!!..:)..
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