This is me...

I dont know me..There are times when i am happy with myself and there are times when am not happy with myself.Sometimes i hate myself and sometimes i love myself.There are times when i feel sickeningly bored with me.I think i know what i want what my goal is but in the end i end up being nowhere losing the interest in the goal that i have persuaded to chase after.My fingers right now find it difficult to keep pace with my mind as i am typing these words...Sometimes i think that i suffer from "moodswings" and that is why i am changing.But i know that is not true.People find it difficult to cope with me,to love me for what i am and to accept me as me...Even i find it difficult to understand why i am positive at one moment and negative the very next moment...I am ever changing person and i am wasting my time trying to find the meaning of my life and my purpose in my life instead of trying to live my life.
I look into the mirror and i ask myself "who am i?" and depending on my mood my mind's answers change.Of course i know that am a human being just like everyone else is but i dont want to be like everyone else.I try to live myself and i feel am damn confusing even to myself.I want to be recognised as someone different but what?what do i want to be recognised as??...my mind does not have an answer for this and neither does my heart has...i am still in the process of changing ...trying to make myself better and worthier...most important of all i m trying 2 be stable...no not in my life...i want to be stable about my goals but maybe i want to keep changing in my life......
I dont know why i end relationships as abruptly i start it...but i do know that i receive my sufferings as a consequence of my decisions and sometimes this fact makes me hate myself more.What i love i hate and what i hate i love.What seems to be correct to me in one situation seems to be wrong in another situation.Why am i like this??....There is no answer.I am always full of questions in my life.But i do know the answers for some of them i guess...
And when i cant bear me anymore i look upto GOD to help me and give up...
For those who are reading this blog i thank you for listening me whine right now..and presently am trying to change to being positive minded.and i feel light-hearted now that i put in some of my thoughts here..